Hyper Vibrations

I had this horrible habit of running myself ragged. Frantically working, moving, producing and never stopping. My body and mind were in overdrive.

The driving forces behind this psychotic behavior were the voices in my head I named my "inner drill sergeants". These were the voices of my Father and our Patriarchal society relentlessly screaming at me, over working me, and pushing me past my limits into a dis-regulated state of hyper vigilance.

My "inner drill sergeants" did not allow me to stop, I had to keep moving. If I was caught resting, sleeping in or G-d forbid taking a nap the repercussions were harsh, as I would be accused of being lazy which meant I needed to work harder!

The exhaustion made me feel overwhelmed and confused. I spent most of my life anxious, angry and running on fumes. Yet I would keep going to prove I could until I ran out of battery, becoming gravely ill, having an emotional break down, or I would be down for the count with little or no energy to move.

Logic tells me that overtaxing our bodies, adrenals and nervous system is not healthy, yet I never considered it, or cared enough for myself and my precious vessel to make changes. I was too wrapped up trying to please my Father and society.

This behavior become so ingrained in me that I did not know how to relax, or calm down, which made me extremely uncomfortable, so I’d keep on moving.

The cycle of not resting and abusing my body, mind and spirit continued until recently, when I decided to transform myself from a people pleaser to boundary keeper.

In order conserve energy, I had to put up a boundary by lowering the volume on my "inner drill sergeant" and integrating a soft voice of nurturance, compassion and care to regulate my nervous system and attain inner balance

"Perhaps Venus and Mars CAN work together"

The first step to integrating this new voice was to be honest about my limitations, knowing how much I can and cannot do, as well as how much I have to give.

The second step was taking inventory of the people in my life and becoming aware of those that drain my energy and those that build me up, and eliminating the energy drains.

The third step was learning to say NO when I did not have the energy to give, without feeling guilty about it, nor feeling the need to explain myself.

I have made it my practice to pay close attention to my body by responding to the slightest signal that my battery is getting low, and take action.

I pause.

I step outside of my life, and all the chaos and drama.

I take space and quiet time to find myself and listen.

I take time to relax, observe and reflect, regardless of whether someone needs me right now...they can wait.

If my phone is dinging and ringing non stop, jolting my nerves, I turn it off until I feel charged enough to respond.

I have chosen not to rush through life, and take my time and move at a much slower and conscious pace. I am pleasantly surprised that I actually accomplish more this way and make less mistakes, while at the same time enjoying my life.

Making these simple changes has allowed me to conserve my energy, so I can make it through the long haul.

I still dip down, but I get up a lot quicker and can maintain my strength for longer periods of time.

Your body knows.

All you need to do is listen.